I have been in a funk recently, feeling grumpy, fed-up, low energy, and generally blah! Not my usual happy and optimistic self. My waistline has not thanked me either – damn chocolate and candies, lol.
In this place of ‘blah!’, I noticed my “itty-bitty-shitty-committee” (that inner voice in our heads) was pretty damn loud… the surface level of chatter going on, I was second-guessing myself, saying some rather outlandish things in my mind that I was listening to, which pushed me further into my slump.
Ugh! The cycle downwards was in full swing. I felt like a fake, not knowing what I was doing, felt like I was going to be ‘found out,’ jeez Louise, Michelle… I have been doing this work for nie on twenty years! I knew what I was doing, yet that inner mind fuck voice was winning over my logical inner voice hand over fist!
My ego was taking a hit; I knew better. I watched my ego run, full pelt, with this BS going on in my mind.
Because I knew better, I sat with myself, acknowledging on the one hand (ego and logical brain) what was happening but also accepting that, for the moment, my emotional brain was hijacking and sending me into a tail-spin of mind fucking.
So, when I faced the ‘logical’ facts of what was happening to me, I slowed down to meet what was going on; to sink into the ‘root cause,’ and allow myself to “feel” the emotions I was ultimately (inadvertently) avoiding.
I was avoiding ‘feeling some uncomfortable, yet vulnerable emotions”… “grief and sadness”…
I had to make a heart-wrenching decision to say goodbye to my wonderful heart dog, Oxford (Mr. Slobberchops). This is a story for another day when I can write about it.
Plus, about two weeks before that, my kids (daughter and son-in-law), their two dogs, and a cat moved out of my home after 2.5 years of living in my basement – 2 years longer than the original plan. I didn’t realize how much I had been shut down and holding it together, living in a home I wasn’t enjoying, feeling like I was the one walking on eggshells in my own home.
I got my home back. Something I was very excited about. Yet, when it happened, I was still recovering from being very sick with a cough and cold that lasted five weeks (yikes), and my usual energy and stamina were gone.
I had booked some time off to get my house back to normal – deep-cleaning and sorting – which I was ‘excited’ about… and then, of course, BAM! The surgery I had been waiting for; the call came through for the Monday of the week I had booked off. So no getting my house back to normal, but recouping and resting was the order of the day for a few weeks! UGH!
Over the numerous years of working on myself, I have learnt not to judge how I am feeling – even though ‘old wiring and behaviours’ come to the surface – but to sink into it and give myself full permission to feel and explore the root of what I am feeling for a certain period of time, say 48 hours – or whatever one might feel they need – this time around it was well over a week.
What I did was STOP to face the thing I was trying (inadvertently) to avoid – grief and sadness. I mustered the courage to stop and be okay with what was happening to me. I sank into the tonnes of material, tools, and information I support and teach my clients when working with them – go figure that that shit works, haha!
Through the lens of being the client, digging deep, journaling, asking myself reflective questions and being curious with myself – to get to the ‘root.’ (There’s a 7-level deep exercise I give my clients to work through if their journey requires it that I sank into for myself, amongst other things). Honestly, it didn’t take me long to feel a deep sense of alignment and peace within myself with where I was, getting back to fully trusting that “I’ve got this!” Now, of course, I knew this conceptually on some level within myself, but I felt it all the way through to the core of my being.
‘It was in that moment; it was death to my ego but a win for my soul.’
Moving onwards and upwards came for me only AFTER I chose to go into ‘acceptance and alignment’ within myself. This is where the work (and the magic) happened and where I (and you when you choose to get to know yourself on a deeper level) got to ‘use my life experiences to awaken further and deepen my knowledge and understanding of myself. Ultimately benefiting me and everybody I meet from that point onwards.
I honoured the part of myself that’s resourceful and good at problem-solving and got to the root of this current slump I found myself in – at the same time, acknowledging there were some ‘IMPOSTER SYNDROME’ shenanigans going on in my head too – this also needed to be addressed.
When I can personally make sense of experiences like that, I am in a better place to understand and make sense of my clients at a deep level and big-picture perspective. I get it. My shit stinks, too, just like everybody else’s.
When I hear what my clients are saying, I can personally relate and express empathy and sympathy, and because I continue to do my work, I can speak to them in a way that feels aligned and genuine. I have heard from clients things like, “Yes, that’s exactly how it feels/is like…”.
Here are some pointers for you to try if you find yourself in a ‘funk, feeling low, depressed, lacking in patience,’ or whatever the low mood is for yourself…
- Acknowledge what you’re feeling in the moment – remember, it doesn’t need to make “logical sense.”
- Express the ‘raw and genuine emotion’ you’re experiencing – This helps you to become firstly aware and then secondly more successful in releasing the ‘stuck energy’ by expressing what’s there unfiltered and non-judgemental.
- To ‘allow and accept’ what is going on for you at that moment – being open to the discomfort that may be involved by acknowledging what’s happening within you (your ‘itty-bitty-shitty-committee’).
- ‘Compassion and self-forgiveness – to reconnect and balance the head and heart again.
- ‘Embodying what’s true’ – by finding and living what’s true for you now.
The above is possible for all of us if we show up at the moment with presence, curiosity, a non-judgemental look at the self, and acceptance of what it is.
Now, to address my ‘imposter syndrome bs’ that came to the forefront when I found myself in a ‘funk.’
First, what is ‘Imposter Syndrome?’ It’s a term often used to describe a feeling we might have where we feel not good enough or inadequate, have self-doubt, or have a lack of confidence with something we’re doing or want to do. It’s like feeling like a fraud despite having the training or having the pieces of paper behind your name, even testimonials from people, if your work involves working with people.
Many people experience it in their personal or professional lives at some point or another. It’s natural to experience self-doubt sometimes. But unchecked can lead to unhealthy self-sabotaging behaviours or waiting until things are ‘perfect.’ Sound familiar?
When my “itty-bitty-shitty-committee” voice was quite loud during my ‘blah’ state, I was experiencing thoughts that were telling me my results with clients or people I connect with, or my skills, if you will, were not the result of my abilities, personal development growth experiences, qualifications, training or competencies; it was down to me flying by the ‘seat of my pants,’ that I would be ‘found out that I don’t know what I am talking about’… really Michelle??? Where the actual eff was that all coming from?
Since I know a little bit about the brain (neuroscience) and how #itsallconnected, I knew that allowing those thoughts an opportunity to grow some roots would not be beneficial. So, I consciously ‘chose’ to think (and believe) differently – challenging when that voice is loud.
To do this, I reviewed some testimonials from past clients – I know, it sounds egotistical; my ego needs boosting at that point, okay? Lol.
I needed to boost my confidence, self-assurance and my belief in myself. On some level, I had; it just got swallowed in my bs mindset. So, by writing things out, journaling, being curious about myself, self-talk, and getting outside to spend time with my horse, Izzy. You may have a preferred method of self-care to readjust your negative mindset – I gradually started to lift myself out of my funk.
Honestly, there’s a great quote. Sorry, I can’t remember who it’s by. It goes something like this:
It is what you think it is. So what have you been thinking lately?
It’s a good starting question to ask yourself!
I know this can be a challenging experience, especially when the voice in our minds can be “quite loud.”
If this has hit a nerve with you and sounds familiar, and you’ve decided, “Enough is enough; something has to change in my life…I am going to take the reins back…”, send me an email, and we can arrange a quick 30-minute chat to see about working with me to support you through your personal development journey of transformation.